Skip to content

Sen. Anderson legislates the obvious

February 3, 2011 - 4:37 pm

Sen. Joel Anderson, a Republican representing East County, has introduced SB 157, a bill titled, “Private sector job creation.”

How does the bill create jobs in the private sector? By saying the Legislature really wants to create jobs. Here’s the full text of the legislation:

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. It is the intent of the Legislature to enact legislation to promote private sector job creation in the state.

Yeah, that’s it. We’ve left his office a message to call us back and when they do, we’ll ask whether he intends to add anything to it (See: “Spot Bill“). In the meantime, here are a few other pieces of obvious and unnecessary legislation we’d like to propose:

The Legislature Legislates Act of 2011

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. It is the intent of the Legislature to legislate legislatively through legislation voted upon by legislators.

a. For the purposes of this act, “legislatively” is defined as any text beginning with the phrase “THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS” and is followed by legal-sounding language broken up with numbered and lettered points.

The Adorable Animal Acknowledgment Act of 2011

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. Is it the intent of the Legislature to acknowledge that the following baby animals are adorable, including, but not limited to:

a. Puppies.

b. Kitties

c. Lambs

d. Pandas

e. Koalas

f. Penguins

g. Orangutans

The Badness Reduction Act of 2011

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. Is it the intent of the Legislature to enact legislation that reduces badness, including, but not limited to:

a. Cancer

b. Unnecessary amputation

c. Chinese foot binding

d. Plane crashes

e. Freezer burn

f. Stepping on the tails and/or paws of creatures enumerated in the Adorable Animal Acknowledgment Act of 2011

The California Rocks, North Korea Sucks Act of 2011

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. Is it the intent of the Legislature to continue to promote the idea that California is superior to North Korea.

a. Creatures listed in Section 1 of the Adorable Animal Acknowledgment Act of 2011 that happen to live in North Korea are exempted from this legislation.

The Tacos are Yummy Act of 2011

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

SECTION 1. Is it the intent of the Legislature to continue to promote the idea that tacos are delicious.

SECTION 2. Exceptions.

a. Tacos involving meat of baby creatures listed in Section 1 of the Adorable Animal Acknowledgment Act of 2011

b. Tacos subject to Section 1(e) of the Badness Reduction Act of 2011

SECTION 3. In accordance with Section 1 of the California Rocks, North Korea Sucks Act of 2011, tacos from North Korea may be deemed delicious but must be considered inferior to Californian tacos.

Advertisements
2 Comments leave one →
  1. homefulbill permalink
    February 3, 2011 - 4:57 pm 4:57 pm

    Your “badness” list omitted a biggie: discrimination against the homeless. My blog is written on our behalf … the homeless. I read yours; how about you visit our bog site so you can subscribe and read ours? http://atmyfriendsplace.com/blog

    • February 3, 2011 - 5:30 pm 5:30 pm

      Hi Bill –

      Well the list was supposed to be bad things that even homeless-hating bigots would agree to.

      You should check out our website, sdcitybeat.com, for a ton of homeless coverage. I’m passing on your site to Kelly Davis, who has diligently covered that beat, including our “Homeless Person of the Week” series meant to breakthrough stereotypes.

      Here’s one of her most recent pieces:

      The things they carry
      Storage facility seeks to lighten homeless folks’ load
      http://www.sdcitybeat.com/sandiego/article-8493-the-things-they-carry.html

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: